Admonition Against Alienation

The ONE thing that courts know is bad for kids is conflict. Oftentimes the parents are so angry and hurt, they lash out against each other and think the kids are not aware of the situation. But the kids know—they know. Ask a parent going through a divorce, “How are the kids?” They reply, “Oh, they are doing ok.” Really? Parents are often so blinded by their own hurt and pain, they don’t realize that the kids are hurting and are confused about the family breaking up. Their safe harbor is no longer safe. The kids keep their pain inside, which may manifest in poor grades (the kid need tutuoring!) or outbursts at school (the kid needs psychotherapy!) No, the kids need the parents to stop the yelling and making snarky putdowns of the other parent, or faces displaying disgust. The children, who love both parents have a very difficult time trying to emotionally and psychologically handle all this. They look to adults for guidance but it’s the parents who need guidance! The court often requires the following be in a decree or court order:
ADMONITION AGAINST ALIENATION
1. Neither parent shall engage in, nor permit or encourage anyone in _______’s presence, hearing or seeing, to express any negative, snide, snotty, snooty or disparaging remarks of any kind about the other parent.
2. Neither parent shall align or attempt to align ________ against the other parent, or other parent's relative, nor permit or encourage a relative or partner to do so.

3. Neither parent shall directly or indirectly ask ______ to choose between parents, or make comments or gestures that ________ can see or hear to the effect that she doesn’t want to visit with or doesn’t like the other parent.
4. Neither parent shall ask ______ to pass orders or instructions or uncomplimentary messages to the other parent orally or in writing. Complimentary messages are allowed and encouraged.
5. Neither parent shall ask the minor child to keep secrets from the other parent, or ask or encourage _________to lie to the other parent about events or persons that ______met or experienced while visiting with a parent, grandparent, or relative.
6. Neither parent shall ask ___________to "spy on" the other parent or the other parent's lifestyle or household nor ask any detailed, probing questions about what is going on in the other parent’s life or household.
7. Neither parent shall interfere with the parent-child relationship of the other parent, nor conceal the minor child from the other parent during the other parent's period of responsibility.
8. Both parents shall encourage a positive parent-child relationship between _________ and both parents and their respective relatives, and not say or do anything (including "grimace" or put on a "long face") to adversely affect the minor child's love for the other parent. In general, both parents will always do whatever they reasonably can to ensure that there is as much consistency and continuity as possible in the manner in which receives guidance and nurturance in all areas of her life.